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How To Be An African Child Part 4

How To Be An African Child Part 4

Fathers!

They hardly unleash their whip, but a proper African child automatically fears it. As African children we have always had this reserved fear for our fathers although they seldom get physical with us. Maybe it is respect, you never know.

It’s not our fault though, we were trained to fear them. The most popular threat by a mother to a child is, “should I ask daddy to bring the belt?” Although daddy has never lashed you, one just imagines the pain when it’s in mom’s hand. Now think of it in a man’s hands. By all means possible, we have grown to never piss our fathers.

The best way to piss him off is to tell him you are wrong. The best way to make it worse is to laugh at him and prove him wrong. The only thing you’ll remember is him asking, “so you think you are better than your father?” The rest you will only remember the after effects of domestic WrestleMania.

I remember my other neighbor who almost signed his death certificate. Everything was going well until chose to correct his father. Imagine, the same man who impregnated his mother. The same man who pays his school fees and is the same reason he’s visiting the toilet more often. If the other fathers hadn’t been around the other father would be rotting in jail for murder.

An African child is a good con artist. It’s not our fault, we learnt from our mothers too. Let’s suppose you need $5.00 to go out with your friends. My friend, never in your life go to your father and ask for money to spoil your friends. Keep that in mind.

One of the best way to get money from a father is to emotionally blackmail him. Wait for one night when he is tired after work. Remind him of the textbook you never told him about last month. Tell him, “good news, there’s a guy who’s selling an almost new second hand at half the shop price.”

By that time he is already calculating how much he would save if he buys you that. Make sure to put a mark-up when you name the price. Use that mark-up to buy your friend’s silence. Take away one of their new text books for a week or two to present it at home.

When you feel like you can’t use the textbook story, try the seminar excuse. This one works especially for High School seniors. These guys have tendency of attending expensive seminars every fortnight. That’s why they always have money to spend unnecessarily to show off in school. Especially if you are in boarding school.

Okay, next time I will tell you about African children in boarding school. Until then, stay safe and alive. Ciao!

If you missed the previous part check it out here.

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